When I started coaching almost four years ago, I could write you a laundry list of fears approximately a mile long.
Fear said I wasn’t smart enough to be a great coach. Fear told me I couldn’t balance family, friends and a job. Fear informed me that I wouldn’t have anything of value to offer my clients. Fear convinced me that I would make my client’s feel worse not better. Fear told me I wouldn’t make a dime, and I wasted my time and money.
As I gained experience coaching my coaching muscles began to take shape. Sure, I made mistakes – plenty of them. But each time I did, it helped me to hone and master my skills. Knowing where I went wrong as I practiced coaching and not beating myself up was a key ingredient in mastering my craft. The more I coached, and the more I learned from my mistakes. And the more competent and confident I felt.
Of course, my fears weren’t gone for good. Each time I did something new, the fears popped up faster than a dozen beach balls being forced under water. Ultimately, I decided to just plan on them showing up.
I’ve learned a lot about fear since then. Wanna share in the hard-won insight?
- Fear is insidious. Like anything you regularly feed, it will grow.
- Trying to overcome, eliminate or annihilate fear is like trying to stop breathing oxygen. It’s impossible.
- Fear is tells us what we truly desire, what we deeply care about and what is intrinsically meaningful.
- Fear is what happens when we anticipate the future. Next time you’re afraid, ask yourself, “In this very moment, do I really have a problem?”
- Fear is about two things: loss or lack. You are either afraid of losing something (money, love, approval) or you are afraid you don’t have something you need (talent, intelligence, acceptance, etc.).
- Fear is simply an emotion. Experiencing joy and love also means that you have inadvertently entered a contract to feel a wide range of human emotions including sadness, loss and, yes, fear.
- Instead of shutting fear out, try giving it a small yet insignificant role in the movie of your life. Invite it in instead of working so hard to keep it out.
- Your mind is a landscape with hundreds of thoughts. Try foraging in places that help you – not in the places that paralyze you.
How do you deal with fear? What scares you?
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