Are you happy right this minute? If you’re not, keep reading.
And even if you are? Keep reading.
Because here’s the thing: “happiness” may not be all it’s cracked up to be. I love Pharrell Williams as much as the next girl, but happiness is just one feeling in a life full of a rich array of emotions. All those people clapping along because they feel like “a room without a roof” are fun and uplifting to watch. But what those videos don’t say is that no one is happy 24/7, nor should they be.
And that can make anyone experiencing any emotion besides the holy grail of happy feel … well, pretty darn unhappy. Not to mention isolated, broken, less-than, and like a failure. What’s wrong with me that I don’t feel like a room without a roof? What does feeling like a room without a roof even mean???
Don’t get me wrong. I love me some happy. But I also love anger, sadness, frustration, grief, and irritation. Why? Because I learn from them. Processing those seemingly more difficult emotions is how we get to happy. Reacting with less than exhilaration to challenging circumstances is normal and healthy.
When we choose to live a full life, we inevitably run the gamut of emotions, from happiness and joy to anger and sadness. Feeling your uncomfortable feelings is part of life. If you’re hyper-focused on thinking that you need to feel happy all the time, you will likely resist or suppress negative feelings that you absolutely need to process.
On the other hand, if you give yourself permission to feel those uncomfortable feelings, it’s more likely that you’ll experience a different meaning of happiness—a rich life tapestry woven with purpose, richness, and meaning.
So how to do this?
- Get clear on your values. Values are what you want to do and how you want to feel. For me, I value autonomy and freedom in my job, loving and deeply connected relationships with my husband and kids, nurturing and emotionally rewarding friendships with my girlfriends ,and hobbies that nourish my desire to be in nature and to feel connected to the earth. Think of values in every area of your life, and remember that values are what you want your life to stand for, how you want to behave, and how you want to show up for and interact with others.
- Where are you most of out touch with your values? For example, I have an awesome career that is extremely fulfilling but at one time, I was neglecting my friendships. As a result, my friendship life was looking more and more like a neglected garden of weeds.
- Create one goal that is aligned with your values. For me, it was pursuing deeper and more authentic friendships with women who were introspective, self-reflective, and wanted to get beneath the surface-y layers of the weather and what they ate for lunch that day. As a result, I teamed up with a fellow life coach who I love dearly and together we created a dinner experience called “I’ll Have What She’s Having.”
- Have no idea what your values are? Ask yourself what three wishes you’d ask a genie to grant. Ask yourself what you would do if you knew you had complete love, safety, and the approval of everyone who matters to you. Ask what you’d like people to say about you after you’re gone.
Remember, those times when you aren’t happy are life’s way of nudging you towards something better, towards your higher purpose. And that contrast is part of the learning and growth curve. If we were truly happy every minute of the day and always had been, how would we recognize it?
Because we are privileged (yes, I chose that word and I mean it) to also process hard feelings, we get to work our way towards happy. When we’re happy, then we know it, for real and for sure. NOW everybody clap your hands.
