If these two words were a person, they would be my arch nemesis. We would glare at each other across crowded dinner parties and I’d probably slit their car tires.
I announce “I quit!” any time I feel really down, when my job feels like a J.O.B. or when my marriage is in ebb. As a kid, whenever anything felt hard or caused me stress, I quit. When my class load was too rigorous, I took fewer units. When the schizophrenic kid at the group home where I volunteered attacked me, I quit.
But the stress and discomfort didn't fall away once I quit.
Say what?
I was still unhappy, deeply unsatisfied, unchallenged and proud of nothing. Quitting was my way of giving up on life because I believed life should be easy. When anything started feeling hard, I preferred to quit rather then address the real enemy – myself. The version of me that said, "you can't do this" or "you're not smart enough" or "really, Jackie, who is going to listen to you, and pay you?" I was terrified to discover that I wasn't enough so I just avoided anything that was difficult.
I realized that taking the easy path was not the best path. When I found my true career as a life coach five years ago, I came face to face with an intense desire to quit again. My coach at the time had just given me less-than-stellar feedback on my coaching. How did I deal? Well, I crawled under my desk for three weeks and cried. I eventually came out from under my desk. Mostly because I was really, really hungry and my knees hurt. That space used to be so much more comfortable.
This is what I learned about quitting when it matters:
Wanting to quit is normal
You're not the only one who feels this way and it doesn't always mean anything. It's like the weather. Allow for grey clouds and they eventually move away. So will your desire to quit when you plan for it. So, get out the umbrella, it will rain.
Quitting is UGLY
Think about people who inspire you. For me it's Oprah, Steve Jobs, Martin Luther King, I admire them because they didn't let anyone or anything get in the way of their light. They persevered in spite of their failures, their mistakes and people who didn't believe they could do it. Did you know Oprah was fired from her first job because, according to her producer, she "wasn't fit for television"? There ain't nothing pretty about quitting.
Quitting hurts you
Seriously, there is nothing more painful than giving up on what it important to you. It may feel like relief but it is quickly replaced by a disappointment so prickly and long-lasting that it doesn't hold a candle to the initial temporary relief you felt when you gave up on that thing.
Quitting helps no one
When you choose to suppress your dreams, you withhold your gifts from the world. It’ s selfish and mean. I’m so, so grateful for that the musicians and artists and teachers I love are will to share themselves and their talents.
Quitting is an excuse for not being who you are
When you quit something that really matters, you cut off access to who you are and what you want to feel: joy, love, freedom, peace. Consider all those things you're proud of and that really matter: your children, your marriage, a skill, or sport, changing careers. Just about everything you that makes you proud was at some point incredibly tough. And maybe, just maybe, you entertained the thought of quitting. But aren't you glad you didn't?
Please, for your sake and for ours: don't quit five minutes before the miracle happens.
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