When the clock struck 10, I stood to meet him. I was stunned. He
looked nothing like his photo. He was missing
some hair and what he had called an “athletic build” was obviously his personal
code for “beer gut.” To top it off,
he was as boring as watching a snail on Ambien.
Before the magic of the Internet and its plethora of dating
sites, the only way to meet a guy, besides in church/temple, bars or via
friends, was to put an ad in a local magazine or paper. And so I did. Imagine my delight when I saw my mailbox stuffed with responses just two
days after the ad was published! Imagine my horror after ripping open
several letters only to discover that these men were “temporarily unavailable,” a.k.a. inmates.
Despite their universal claim of having been framed and
their unwavering belief that we were meant for each other, I had set my sights
somewhat higher–like, on someone who wasn’t in restraints. So I was relieved
indeed when I found a single potential diamond in the rough: the
above-mentioned Beer Gut Guy, who had sent a reasonably cute, if ultimately
misleading, photo and who had the virtue of not being in the penal system. When we made contact, it turned out we were
going to be at the same sailing regatta that evening.
It seemed meant to be—except it wasn’t. The longer I talked
to Beer Gut Guy and tried to keep from yawning, the clearer it became that we
were not a match made in heaven, or anywhere else for that matter. And hard as I tried to keep my eyes on him,
they got all darty and ultimately landed, with relief, on an adorable guy exiting
the men’s bathroom “John—hey, John!” I called. “I haven’t seen you in YEARS!”
Adorable Guy looked at me in confusion, obviously trying to place
me as he walked my way. We ended up in enthusiastic and spirited conversation
while Beer Gut Guy faded into the background. As I walked away with Adorable
Guy, thanking him for saving me, I was dimly aware of Beer Gut’s faint cry:
“I’ll call you sometime!”
Adorable Guy’s name? John, of course. And that guy, who is every bit as adorable today, will
be joining me in celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in August.
When I look back at the truly wonderful things that have
happened in my life, I realize that most of them came upon me pretty
spontaneously, with little premeditation and no other guidance except that it
“felt right.”
I call this “following your heart path.” Meeting my husband
was one of those “heart path” moments. Quitting
my well-paid job and enrolling in life coach training with Martha Beck was
another—despite the fact that I’d never heard of her until a friend mentioned
her name and I just knew I had to go for it without a logical explanation of
why.
Adopting my beloved half-Belgium shepherd and half “whatever
jumped over the fence” was another example of following my heart path. I had every intention that Saturday of
adopting a different puppy I’d seen online, but there was this sweet black dog
sitting next to me and I went for her instead. Good thing, too, because that
sweet little puppy I’d thought I’d wanted turned into a 110-pound terror!
Following your heart path doesn’t mean abandoning all common
sense. But it does mean listening to your heart, your gut and your soul when
making decisions. You see, our truest,
most essential selves are constantly sending out little nudges and whispers
from that place where we feel most alive, most joyful and most energetic.
When we focus with only the strength of our intellect and
neglect our instincts, we get backtalk: it’s crazy to quit our prestigious job; we don’t deserve to play unless
we’ve worked really, really hard; go for the cute puppy you came for, not the
mysterious black dog you fell in love with.
These are the stories we tell ourselves, and the stories we
come to believe about who we are and what we can expect for our lives now and
in the future. As a result, those
nudges, those whispers from our heart become so faint that we can’t hear them
over the scripts we have written.
I have watched myself make decisions from the logical part
of my brain and some have been good – like paying my bills and taking a
shower. But when I make decisions based
on my “heart path,” on what feels right and joyful in the moment, those have
been my best choices ever. Put together
enough choices made from the heart, and you have the stuff—the life—that dreams
are made of.
