Okay, toileting habits are a very private thing to discuss,
but in my family, almost no subject is off limits. Add our strong
opinions (non-relatives call this “pigheadedness,” for some reason), poor
hearing and ensuing high volume, and you’ve got a reasonable
facsimile of “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.” Ask any restaurant
owner—or, worse, the other patrons.
This particular family debate is a heated one, as both
crumplers and folders go all-out defending their preference as most
effective and hence superior. I’ll sum it up for you:
Crumplers: scrunching is easier and more efficient; stacking
squares just to throw them down the toilet is a ridiculous waste of time.
Folders: folding requires fewer sheets than crumpling (save
a tree with every wipe!), and refolding is faster than grabbing more
paper to crumple.
You’d think that might be the end of it, but oh, no. The
debate quickly deteriorates, as our family dinners often do, when we begin
to build a case associating the choice to fold or crumple with
personality.
Crumplers assert that they’re more open, adaptable, casual, spontaneous, and like things loose (no pun intended). They
believe they are better adjusted. The folders, on the other hand, claim
to be more practical, organized, systematic, logical and structured.
They believe they are more efficient and also more frugal.
Although no real scientific conclusions can be drawn here,
the only true outcome that comes from the divide between folders and crumplers is the realization of how many ways there are to skin a
cat—or, in this case, wipe an ass.
Unfortunately, our human tendency is to translate “different
from me” into “less than me” or “better than me.” As a result, we
measure ourselves against others using their choice as a benchmark
for whether we—or they–are doing it right or wrong (aka good or bad).
What we fail to take into account, however, is that the way
we approach anything–loading the dishwasher, disciplining the kids, or
flossing– is less about what is universally right or better than it is
about what is right or better for us as individuals.
As someone who is most effective when I take in just enough information to make a decision and move quickly, I used to
bring myself to a grinding halt whenever I got lost in comparing my
choices to others’ and worrying that they knew some secret that I didn’t.
Thankfully, I’ve come to realize that jumping in and making
instinctive choices is my natural approach to the external world. My
opposite numbers, on the other hand, are more like info-junkies;
their natural curiosity makes them want to explore all their options
before reaching a conclusion.
Neither of us is right or wrong.
From the big decisions to the small choices like whether to
fold or crumple, it is only when we can calm those loud voices
around and in our heads and learn to respect our individual differences
that we will live a truly meaningful and satisfying life.
Despite the fact that only 6% of the population crumples
(yes, they do survey people about this stuff), I proudly embrace my
natural tendency to scrunch the Charmin. Because that’s just the way I roll
my, um, roll.
