I have wanted to go to Africa ever since I saw the movie
Born Free. I was 5 years old, but its impression on me lasted well over forty
years.
A few weeks ago, I was fortunate to live my dream. I flew to
South Africa to join Martha
Beck’s African STAR (Self Transformation Adventure Retreat), co-hosted by the
Londolozi Game Preserve. Its main
purpose is to immerse you in the beauty of this private reserve – nature and
its animals, allowing you to connect with your inner peace, reveal clue’s about
your life’s purpose and connect with a meaningful sense of purpose.
Although it is not considered a “coaching safari,” Martha
spent a significant amount of time coaching each of the STAR’s ten women on our
life’s purpose, identifying road blocks which hinder our individual emotional
evolution. As we sat down for lunch, Martha began with an exercise designed to
disengage us from our individual realities. It’s not exactly conducive to
exploring your life’s purpose when you’re thinking, “Crap! Did I forget to tell
the kids I was leaving for a week?” Or, “Did I turn off the water faucet in the
bathroom, which I’m sure has caused a massive flood by now?” And, the coup de
gras of all thoughts: “What will I come home to after leaving my ‘to infinity
and beyond’ to-do list parked in the same spot for a whole week?”
Our first exercise was to share a current worry that could
potentially distract us from being fully engaged in the retreat. “Just one?” I thought. “My worry is
that I won’t be able to sleep all week. I am easily stimulated – my friends
know this. I won’t even allow them to call me after 9:00 p.m. for fear that
they may say something very exciting and I’ll be up all night.” So, seriously, how will I achieve a
satisfying slumber after witnessing a lioness attentively protecting her
sleeping cubs from five feet away? How will I sleep while a herd of impalas
play Ring around the Rosie around my jeep? How will I possibly rest after
watching a cougar watching three insatiable hyenas demolish its kill from the
previous night’s hunt?
In Buddhism, my thought pattern is called samskara, which is defined as psychological conditioning or
habit patterns of the unconscious mind that make up any given time. These
patterns run in grooves that have been developed over time.
Martha gently suggested that I just notice my thoughts. I
decided to think of them as ocean waves. Watching them come and go without
attaching meaning to them…aka a dramatic mini-series. Steven Hayes, author of Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy, calls this “Watching the Mind-Train.” In other words, watch the thoughts that
come into your head, don’t be them.
My samskara sounded
like this:
I will be too excited to sleep and
it will ruin my trip
I am having the thought that my
vacation will be ruined because I won’t sleep.
“I will ruin my trip because I’ll be too excited to sleep,” versus, “My thought
is that I will ruin my vacation because I won’t be able to sleep.” It
establishes some distance between my poisonous thoughts and my corresponding
feelings. When I relabel my thought, it diffuses those strong feelings.
I encourage you all to try this. Let’s take a thought, which
I suspect many of you share.
I have too many things to do today.
Notice how that thought feels. Notice how your body feels
and where you feel it.
Notice your inclination to act. Describe how you might
behave.
Now, re-write or re-label the thought.
I am having the thought that I have many things to do
today.
What does that feel like?
How does that new thought feel in your body?
How might you behave with this new thought?
Try this for three days in a row. It takes three days to
re-form and create new habitual patterns of thinking.
And remember you were born free to…
Follow your heart, live as free as the grass grows and to
live a life worth living.
