Even coaches need coaching. And last week, I got a great chance to affirm why when I participated in a mastermind workshop with my coach/mentor.
“What’s your commitment?” my mentor asked the group. “One that feels big and scary?”
Almost instantly, I was catapulted into a crappy-ass mindset I recognized from when I first started coaching seven years ago. Back then, I was a bright and shiny new coach and I loved what I did. But it was basically something I did on the side while the kids were at school. I earned just enough money to buy a ridiculously priced pair of shoes, take my daughter on a girls’ weekend, maybe get a weekly mani/pedi.
It was a wonderful little hobby–until it wasn’t. That would be the day my husband came home and told me he had an appointment with a bankruptcy attorney. It looked as though the fun money I was earning from my coaching “hobby” might suddenly be a significant source of our income. Which meant I was going to have to get off my butt and get real with my coaching practice—fast.
As it turned out, my husband was able to keep his business afloat during those tumultuous and tenuous couple of years. But the threat of crisis taught me something important: seeing my husband as the main breadwinner was the excuse I was using to stay small. As long as he brought home the bacon, I didn’t have to face my greatest fear:  that I wasn’t talented or smart enough to go big.
I don’t know how, I thought. It’s too hard. 
Fast-forward to the present, where I now have ample evidence that I know what I’m doing and that I am indeed smart enough to succeed. Even so, old habits die hard. When my mentor challenged our group to think big, my first reaction was a leap back to the Land of Insecurity.
“What’s your commitment?  One that feels big and scary?”
I had the answer. I even wrote it down: I want to create a product for new coaches that will help them navigate a real coaching session. Something that will help them learn how to coach more efficiently and more easily. But the part of my brain that wants to keep me safe by making sure that NOTHING EVER CHANGES kicked in.
I don’t know how. It’s too hard.
You don’t have to be a coach to relate to this. My clients tell me all the time that it’s too hard and I don’t know how. Think about anything that would truly make your heart sing while feeling sort of knee-shakingly scary at the same time. Maybe it’s taking your skiing to the next level, or losing weight, or giving a speech in front of dozens of people at your parents’ anniversary party.
Got it? Now, is there any chance you’re thinking:
I don’t know how. It’s too hard?
Carol Dweck, in her wonderful book Mindset, suggests replacing the thought “I’m not smart enough to know how to do this” with “I’m not smart enough to do this yet.” (Emphasis mine.) This small tweak in your mindset can be miraculous. Your commitment becomes stronger and your actions become easier . . . there is relief in making the decision. You are no longer holding back your capacity to have what it is that you want.
Are you willing to not know how you will do something—yet? Can you stand in the question and be okay?
Most importantly, are you ready to stop hobbying your commitments and, well, commit?