Many of my female clients are anticipating the holidays with two main ingredients: stress and concern. And, it’s no wonder! Women have nearly four times the expectations than they had 20 years ago. Stress related health challenges are rising at alarming rates. According to the American Institute of Stress, 85% of female doctor visits are stress related. The holidays often create extra pressure for women who will add holiday tasks to their already “full-plate”. Throw in a dwindling bank account; your children who hanker after the latest techno-gadgets; dysfunctional family festivities and you have all the essential ingredients for a frenzied holiday season.
If this sounds even slightly familiar, then you may want to create a stress reduction plan for you and your family. Begin by approaching the season as if you were given the task of eliminating some of the fat from Grandma’s famous pumpkin pie. How can you reduce the calories while still preserving the same delicious flavor? Easy. Cut the amount of butter and sugar by a third and enjoy the pumpkin pie sans the guilt. Now consider your holiday traditions. Try substituting your unhealthy customs with some that nurture both your body and soul and you may have created a recipe that truly embodies the definition of “holiday” or what I like to think of as “holy day”. Here are five proactive steps you can take to update your holiday season recipe.
1) List your Holiday Rituals. Take out a piece of paper and write down every tradition you have followed. Start with family customs. Your list may include the annual Christmas dinner at Aunt Curmudgeon’s house, the 200 Christmas cookies you bake for everyone in your neighborhood and the 100 holiday cards you send out every year. If you’d like, continue this process with your office and your friends.
2) Shackles on or Shackles off? Go thru each tradition and ask yourself if it feels “shackles on or shackles off”. Visualize each family custom, let it fill your mind and then notice how your body reacts. If you feel any sort of tension, which is usually the result of a muscle contraction, then you’ve identified a “shackles on” sensation. A “shackles off” sensation will always feel light, freeing and energetic with no physical tension whatsoever.
3) Bag it, Barter It, Better it. Now that’s you’ve identified what feels like shackles off, work toward chucking the ones that feel shackles on. I suggest that if you don’t love it, and really don’t have to do it, eliminate it. If you can’t eliminate it, barter the task. Find someone who loves what you hate and who hates what you love and then swap services. Traditions that cannot be bagged or bartered can be made better. For example, if you really want to bring a gift to your child’s teacher (shackles off) but the idea of spending money (shackles on) may trigger a call from your credit card company, consider something that doesn’t have a price tag but may be equally or more meaningful. A handwritten note from a child has been reported by many teachers as much more significant than another “I love my Teacher” coffee mug.
4) No is a Complete Sentence. Saying “yes” when you mean “no” causes burnout. You do both yourself and the other person making the request a disservice by saying yes all the time. My clients often think saying no means they are disappointing somebody else. But saying “yes” when you mean “no” is worse because you’re disappointing yourself which is the worst kind of disappointment. Don’t think of it as saying “no” to someone else, think of it as saying “yes” to yourself. If your neighbor asks you to coordinate the annual school Christmas bake sale, apply the “shackles on”, “shackles off” test. If you feel any sort of tension, then say “no”. If this is too difficult for you at first, at least say “I’ll think about it and get back to you”. Then go home and practice saying “no” in the mirror.
5) Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. Whenever possible, find the easier way to accomplish the task at hand and start accepting what is. Does it really matter if the gifts aren’t wrapped perfectly or the cranberry sauce wasn’t made from scratch? Accept the fact that your sister in law is competitive and always makes cutting remarks. Plan on Uncle Bob drinking too much wine and falling asleep on the sofa. Surrender to your cousin making the mashed potatoes in your busy kitchen when you specifically asked her to bring them prepared. I know from my own experience that when we can see these things as “small” and “insignificant” there truly is no tension or stress.
Ladies, the choice is ours. We can join the statistics by choosing to add more then we really have room for on our fully loaded plates. Or, we can generate our own unique recipes. By implementing a stress reduction plan, we seek that path of least resistance, yield to what is and, most importantly, allow ourselves time to breathe. Try this once and you may find the holiday’s to be the most wonderful season after all!
